February 19, 2013

A blanket of snow,
The trees are bare.
Animal footprints mark the snowy ground,
I look through the window of my Poconos dining room.
The sun casts gray shadows of tree trunks.
It is so beautiful out.
Beautiful and sad.
I miss my Nanay and Juning.
This sadness comes from two converging sources---in a span of five months, the deaths of my kid brother and my aged mother. And so when I grieve, my heart gets confused---I am not crying for one person anymore, but two at the same time or  alternately.  It is overwhelming. It is painful. It is confusing.

February 22, 2013
I am a walking sadsack. I go from school to school to see my students, In between schools I grieve, I pray, I take life one step at a time. There is pain brimming in my heart---every now and then it spills over. Death is such a sad affair for us who are left behind.

I do not know what to do with myself  these days. I just carry on with life although my heart is tired and [numb and hurting] at the same time (is that possible?).

February 25, 2013

My heart is heavy but I choose to thank you Lord for:

• Steve and Zachary
• the rest of my family
• good health
• my job
• ability to walk, hear, eat, taste, feel, drive, sleep (for all bodily functions normally working)
• the air to breathe and water to drink
• warm bed and roof on our heads, clothes on our bodies
• sound mind, the sunshine and the rain, my sisters, my bestfriends, Your comfort
• access to your grace, Your unchanging love,
• Your presence......and many many more to thank YOu for....

My Lord, I  bask in Your presence and fill my heart with Your peace. I  think of you and your goodness and faithfulness. I   immerse myself in thoughts of all that you've done for me, for us. I thank You because You are my Abba Father who never fails in His love for me. Lord teach me to focus on You and love You and  worship You and serve You all my life. Amen.