The Worthlessness of Unbelief

It is  unbelief that keeps people from seeing miracles that are happening right before their very eyes. Just as God said in Romans that there is no excuse for anyone not to know HIm---[if only they  look around, what they see should suffice and  answer the reality of God]. 

Miracles do happen everyday and every moment. It is a miracle that we see---it is a miracle that we are able to sleep and recharge our bodies and eat and digest our food. It is a miracle that we hear and breathe and walk. However, the Lord has blessed us so much  with these miracles on a daily and moment to moment  basis that we no longer realize and acknowledge that indeed we are living miracles. We take for granted His blessings. Our hearts are so disensitized of miraculous awe-inspiring and wonderful gifts from Him that we no longer realize these miracles and thus we  relegated  them as normal ordinary functions in physical life. So when the supernatural miracles happen, our eyes being  so clouded and  hearts so heavy with unbelief we do not all the more  recognize His  supernatural work.

When doctors encounter healings or  diseases vanishing without an explanation they stop at saying "there is no explanation,"  or they say, "it was a misdiagnosis" . If only their hearts look beyond what is physical and think of God who  creates and heals and orchestrates things, then they will discover HIs greatness and lovingkindness. If  only they shed  their unbelief and look through the eyes of faith, they will find out that there is nothing impossible with God, and He does as He pleases and when He does, He does it well.

Praise and Worship

There is something about the vibrant colors of Fall that tug at my heart to praise and worship God. When I behold the orange and yellow and red of the leaves as they laugh with the blowing of the wind, and they let go and float downwards to the ground, my soul figuratively prostrates before the Lord Almighty, who I believed designed and created this beautiful phenomenon. When the golden sun dapples the autumn trees and reflects soft and warm-to-the-eyes light all around, my heart bursts out in worship to God. Autumn foliage brings such heart-warming sensation to my being and I get reminded of our Abba Father's love towards us. Love so tender and kind, I cannot begin to contain all in my little heart. His love endures forever.

The Sunday we missed church, we decided instead to go out backamong the trees and sing praises to God. Steve picked his guitar and Zach a toy piano. We sang and sang and lifted our hearts to Him who is worthy of praise and honor and glory. Meantime, the wind blew, and the autumn leaves rustled and danced before letting go down, down to our heads then to the ground.

A glorious feeling!

Isaiah 54:10

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed,
Yet, my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed ," says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
                                             ----Isaiah 54:10

God's love for me is not dependent upon my actions. There is nothing that I do that makes Him love me more or less. His love is deep---His love is wide and neither it's depth and width is affected by the good and holy things nor the bad and evil things I do. He just loves me so. And for that, my heart is sobered knowing that my Lord is a God of love and forgiveness. He is a God of mercy and abundance. His lovingkindness never fails, His mercies, new every morning.

Dear Lord,
I thank you for Your unfailing love for me. Help me Lord to honor You and love You with all of my heart. To acknowledge Your presence in my life every moment. To give You praise for the shower of blessings You send my way. 

Help me to be sensitive to the stirring of the Holy Spirit. To follow every step that you have laid before me. elp me to speak about You and Your goodness and faithfulness.

Dear Lord,
I thank youf or the strength that YOu give me each day as I move on with my life with the fact that my brother Jun and Nanay are gone. I miss them very much. My heart is sore  from aching , but You  are faithful to help me carry on. (Would you tell them I love and miss them?)

Thank YOu for my husband Steve who is a great blessing to my life. He is a pillar of strength and peace  in whatever circumstance our family is in. He has no complaints, no negative words to say, no discontentment---only constant peace and full trust in You. He humbles himself when I rattle. He keeps the peace flowing from his heart. Thank You Lord for the life of Steve that You've allowed me to share with. I am deeply blessed by him. And as if you have not blessed me enough ---You have to make it overflow (as YOu always do), then You give us Zachary. Both Steve and I marvel at his life. Zach is not only an additional most welcome blessing, but he is also a fun enrichment to us. Like Steve always says, " Our lives are  enriched  by having him."

And so I told God I needed a friend to sit with, lounge and talk silently with, maybe laugh (over our reminiscences of the past) with,  or be quiet with...a friend I can sip tea with or (at least) listen  to my questions about the two deaths in my family if not answer them. And here's what He impressed upon my heart. Go see  H.L. and make something for her. So I made the arrangement to visit her after work and brought in some fruits and vegetables. I simply wanted to stir-fry  the veggies for her and drink tea and simply enjoy her company. I did not want her to do anything else because she has fibromyalgia (a really bad case of chronic fatigue syndrome).

Well what do you know? Upon her coffee table was quite a spread---a big platter of sliced fruits and berries,  three kinds of chocolates, an assortment of cookies, two kinds of citrus fruits, a compote full of plump dates and tea.

Didn't I asked the Lord for a simple cup of tea and company?

And just like in Psalms..."I prepare a table for you..," he said. How magnificent is the Lord! and full of tender love. I was H.L.'s sole visitor and the she prepared for me a beautiful spread to go with my tea and company. The Lord  indulged me with His kindness.

And H.L., listened to my grief. And she grieved with me. She listened and spoke  words of comfort that I already knew but needed to hear. She prayed with me and she prayed for me.  I was blessed. And my spirit was lifted.

Dear Lord,
YOU never fail to  amaze me. You take joy in amusing me and I am very  much enchanted by your tender ways towards me. YOU always  bowl me over with your loving-kindness and blessings that never cease to  overwhelm my little heart. I thank YOU  for your  love and comfort that YOU extend even through  my friends and through various circumstances.  I am so blessed by YOU.

February 26, 2013

Your mercies are new every morning. Great is Thy faithfulness, Oh Lord.

Since Junjun died I carry a heaviness in my heart because I miss knowng that he is just in Davao ---in   our family home. But he is NO LONGER, so I feel something of me is no longer too. I continue to live but something of me is missing. I think when he left so unexpectedly, he took a part of me that I cannot quite figure out exactly what it is. There is a deep empty hole in my heart that holds loneliness and that loneliness brims and seeps out each day and makes itself  known to me. It walks with me as I go from school to school. It gets in the car as I drive from home to work and back. It sups with me when I have my lunch. It keeps me company during my in-between work moments. Pictures of his face flash in my mind and when I realize he is no longer, my heart screams inside in disbelief. This life is very strange now.

Dear Lord, 
You alone are my CONSTANT that keeps me going  each day. Thank you for your comfort. Thank you for  Your love. Help me Lord to worship you in spite of the pain in my heart. Remind me that You are the GREAT I AM, my ABBA FATHER. I may not understand so many things  in our lives but I know You are a God whose love endures forever.  Amen

February 19, 2013

A blanket of snow,
The trees are bare.
Animal footprints mark the snowy ground,
I look through the window of my Poconos dining room.
The sun casts gray shadows of tree trunks.
It is so beautiful out.
Beautiful and sad.
I miss my Nanay and Juning.
This sadness comes from two converging sources---in a span of five months, the deaths of my kid brother and my aged mother. And so when I grieve, my heart gets confused---I am not crying for one person anymore, but two at the same time or  alternately.  It is overwhelming. It is painful. It is confusing.

February 22, 2013
I am a walking sadsack. I go from school to school to see my students, In between schools I grieve, I pray, I take life one step at a time. There is pain brimming in my heart---every now and then it spills over. Death is such a sad affair for us who are left behind.

I do not know what to do with myself  these days. I just carry on with life although my heart is tired and [numb and hurting] at the same time (is that possible?).

February 25, 2013

My heart is heavy but I choose to thank you Lord for:

• Steve and Zachary
• the rest of my family
• good health
• my job
• ability to walk, hear, eat, taste, feel, drive, sleep (for all bodily functions normally working)
• the air to breathe and water to drink
• warm bed and roof on our heads, clothes on our bodies
• sound mind, the sunshine and the rain, my sisters, my bestfriends, Your comfort
• access to your grace, Your unchanging love,
• Your presence......and many many more to thank YOu for....

My Lord, I  bask in Your presence and fill my heart with Your peace. I  think of you and your goodness and faithfulness. I   immerse myself in thoughts of all that you've done for me, for us. I thank You because You are my Abba Father who never fails in His love for me. Lord teach me to focus on You and love You and  worship You and serve You all my life. Amen.